OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
