ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dick very happy bro
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
