I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
