I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Floor bacon is actually really good
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
