My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
