I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
