if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
