i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
