Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
