Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
