my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
