i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
