How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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