I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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