I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
