The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
