bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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