It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
