Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
