you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
