Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
