so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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