Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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