I'm so fucking centered right now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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