I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
