we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
