I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am puke
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
