The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
