Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
