Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
