I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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