No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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