I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
