Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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