The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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