i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
