wakey wakey hands off snakey
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
