No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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