seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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