he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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