He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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