Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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