Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
