This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
