She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
