There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
