I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
