Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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