i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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