she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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