i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
