Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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