Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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